Monthly Archives: May 2016

I’m not sorry.

“So often, when we see a woman reckless or failing in love, or if her life is a mess, or she is making too many mistakes, or she is close to being a wreck, we think she is stupid. We think she lacks the intelligence to live life.

Never under-estimate a woman who is suffering ~ who seems to be making risky choices. She is deep in lesson. She is visiting the underground, she is making sense of life in some invisible way ~ the fragmentation in her life could be a precursor to a new resurgence.

She could well stun you with some home truths.” ~ Sukhvinder Sircar

‘Imperfect Articulation’

by Alexandra Schueler

“Sometimes when I’m speaking

I forget what I was about to say

Maybe I lose my words

Question my eloquence

Wonder if I’m sounding elegant

Stutter

Stumble

Stop altogether

Am I even intelligent?

I hear another woman speak

She sounds so lucid

Here I am

This excessively cussing

Often crass

Always straightforward

Definitely intense

Woman

Curious if I’m engaging

Unsure if what I’m saying is landing

Writing is where I’m most comfortable

I might not always be the most articulate

In the way I speak

But by no means

Does that warrant

Me not using my voice anyway.”

http://www.wildwomanspeaks.com/musings/imperfect-articulation

Synchronicity..

…the way everything synchronizes… The way it all melts together… I’m continually in awe when I remember this fully. I don’t know why (well, actually I do) I ever go through the phases of doubting it. Because really, I always come to the clarity after the storm. But that in itself is apart of the process — I feel the storm brewing, I start to shake but always proceed to drift into it. I can’t not drift into it, there is no more hiding from it. It picks up, I can’t see or feel anything but the storm, I flail around; I fight it; I doubt it; I almost drown in it; even though deep down I know I shouldn’t. I know the storm loves me, the storm really doesn’t seek to harm me, the storm is me. Yet the memories of things I’ve learned from past “destructive” storms fade, I enter back into fragmentation & i don’t remember my wholeness, I can’t remember the still knowing I gain from these calms… But I always come back out. I always do manage to find the treasure in the dark. I always do manage to meet my “demons”, no matter how utterly terrifying it is, and I learn from them. Accept them. Thusly heal them. They transform into my allies and they are no longer “demonic” in nature.

Yes, everything is in sync.
Yes, I really am where I “need” to be right now.
Yes, this really is necessary.
Yes, this really is all natural.
Yes, this really is inevitably unfolding just how & when it should for me.
…yes, there will be more layers to shed; but I see more clearly now, I think I can fully trust this now.

Flow…
I really can trust my flow.
I really can trust myself.
I really can trust the Creator.

I’m still in pain right now, I still have to lick these wounds clean. But now I see, and I can finally let go. I can finally trust, as I grieve my perceived losses; the things I never truly had to begin with so I’m really not losing anything; and mourn. Finally mourn, in knowing, for my soul; for the ones I loved; for the Earth. Nothing to lose, but everything to gain.

A shift has happened.
I understand.
And now, I will rest.
Rest after what yet again felt like an eternity of retrieving the lost shards of myself… Solidifying.

It is time.
I don’t have to “hide” anymore, or keep myself small & restricted just for those I love anymore.
The things I’ve just encountered, though I thought it was the end of me, are no longer holding me back; they are now fuel. They are now purifiers to my polluted stream of Love…

You don’t have to understand.
It may or may not have been stubborn of me to see if you could.
But no, now I see you don’t have to.

Think what you think about me.
I know you will regardless.
So I am done explaining myself. Justifying myself. Apologizing for myself. I’m done internalizing the shame, the shade you cast upon me for being me.

Another thing to be noted: never let anyone tell you what’s best for you. Only you can know that. In turn, never tell anyone what you think is best for them, only they can figure that out no matter how much you think you know. Let yourself be, let them be. It is what it is.

It is done.
Freedom.
Floating within what was is no longer, and what is to be has yet to come into form.
Much more to come…

‘I Will Never Be Accommodating For You’

by Alexandra Schueler

“I will never be accommodating for you.

I will never say what you want me to say,

or do what you want me to do.

I will never listen because you told me to,

or follow orders because you said so.

I’m a woman unto myself,

and part of what that means

is being myself at all costs.

At the risk of being unlovable

At the risk of being hard to stomach

At the risk of being unmanageable

At the risk of being confusing

At the risk of not being the norm

At the risk of not being a “lady”

I will never be accommodating for you.

I will never shrink myself in order to fit within your comfort zone,

because I’m so expansive and transcends all confines.

I will always speak my truth,

because I stand firm in my knowing.

I will always choose to not settle,

because I know my inherent value.

I will always honor myself first,

because I know I’m fucking worth it.

I will never, ever be accommodating for you.

Get used to being uncomfortable.”

http://www.wildwomanspeaks.com/musings/i-will-never-be-accommodating-for-you