Category Archives: “Buffalo Medicine”

Unconditional Love, with a big fat “NO” on top

“Being present and ‘accepting’ is NOT the same as tolerating or condoning unkind, disrespectful, violent or shaming behaviour.

I speak from experience, as a mostly-recovered ‘Mr Nice Guy’! I think back to the utter emotional violence I witnessed in my family as a child, and how I was always tolerating, tolerating, tolerating… stuffing down my sorrow and anger, trying to make everyone feel better, making excuses for their unkindness, swallowing my words, never feeling I had the right to say ‘no’…

Until one day I realised:

I HAVE A VOICE. I MATTER TOO.

From a loving place, our hearts fully open to the Mystery, grounded in a deep YES to all of life, deeply rooted in the clarity of non-dual understanding (we are ALL the same Consciousness), we can STILL give a clear ‘no’ to situations, behaviours, policies, people. We can let go of hatred yet maintain a fierce discernment. We can love deeply, and still say ‘no’. And have the courage and willingness to face the consequences.

You may feel a deep compassion and tenderness towards a person yet still say ‘no’ to their requests, their statements, their behaviours, their acting-out. Your ‘no’ emerges from a deeper YES to life, truth, authenticity. Seen in this way, the ‘no’ and the ‘yes’ are not opposites, as the Moon is not the opposite of the Sun but equally welcome in the unconditional vastness of sky, in the giant YES of Presence itself.

The ‘no’ is not necessarily resistance, or ego, or an expression of fear, or ‘running away’. The ‘no’ can be fierce love, too. The ‘no’ can be an expression of great courage.

Friends, unconditional love does not require us to become doormats, or tolerate violence, or squash our precious feelings and hide our ‘no’ in order to appear to be more spiritual or compassionate or nice or kind or ego-free or enlightened, beyond human feeling. Fuck that image. It is false. A mask that will suffocate you in the end.

A true boundary, a loving ‘no’, does not separate us, it protects us. It allows us to keep our hearts open to each other, relate honestly, yet know exactly where we stand.

Others may not like or agree with our ‘no’. They may judge us for it. Call us names. But we were never here to protect others from pain. We were always here to speak our truth, with fierce compassion.

And so we can say, without contradiction:

I LOVE YOU. AND I WILL NO LONGER TOLERATE YOUR BEHAVIOUR.

And stand there, free, in our awesome power.”

~ Jeff Foster

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Starve a Vampire: Learn to Hold Safe Space

Yes. HEAL. Love is the antidote.

“The phrase “holding space” is nearly ubiquitous. And yet truly safe spaces in which we can be seen and held in our vulnerability are still exceedingly rare. So let’s to take a moment to question: What exactly is a safe space, and how do we go about holding that for each other?

A safe space is one in which we are received fully, in totality, as ourselves. There is no lecturing or instruction in a safe space. There is no saving or even “helping.” There is no shaming or projection or demanding someone else to be more like us or do it “our way.” If we want to be a safe space for someone, we do not tell them not to be angry. We do not react fearfully to their sadness or pain, or freak out when they show their shadow. Neither do we allow them to place blame on us, harm us, or lash out in a way that serves no one. Holding a safe space, then, requires extremely strong and well-established boundaries.

In order to hold space, we simply witness the other with love, as though our consciousness itself is a set of warm and expansive arms gently holding and supporting—but never grasping. Like a butterfly has landed gently in our open hand, or like one holds a newborn baby, particularly one that is upset.

Being this for another is the most sacred act, the greatest honor, we can possibly undertake; it is the holy work. This simple state of being holds magical transformative powers, as the deepest and darkest of wounds can finally be witnessed in loving presence and so often transmuted and released just because they are finally met and witnessed. And of course, we can only be this for another as deeply as we have already chosen to heal and integrate our own selves…which for me is a tremendous motivation to do the work, and do the work some more.

But what happens when someone opens the special Pandora’s box of their own darkness to us, in confidence and in need, and we don’t meet them there but rather squelch and shame their expression? I am not quite sure our society as a whole yet understands just how toxic and deleterious this scenario can be; it can create divisions and wounds in the psyche that can last a lifetime.

For example, when a woman shames another woman, for being too much, too “negative,” and too herself —whether it be a daughter, a sister, a friend—she then creates in that girl that very vulnerability that puts them at risk of falling into the hands of the nearest hungry energy vampire/abuser/predator. The lack of safe space and even the subtlest of shaming, actually primes her to be abused by shunning and relegating a piece of her soul to the shadowlands, where only the vampires dwell.

I know from personal experience that those very predators—who are paying attention, and looking for weak spots, and hoping to feed on her soul—will be willing, in fact all too happy and excited, to “see” those parts of her that have been forced into shadow and shame by others. They will provide a reflection of that part of her where others have failed to do so—and by being the only one willing to hold her in her darkness, they will gain a very unholy control over her.

In particular, the absence of truly safe space for empowered feminine sexuality has made our daughters vulnerable to the worst sort of predation. Further, the destabilizing and and shaming of the feminine actually threatens to destroy our entire world by creating a massive imbalance that only love can heal.

The minute we force another woman into a box, and accept her only conditionally according to her ability to satisfy our requirements of “good” and “appropriate” behavior, and have her modulate and curate herself to our liking (or more accurately, so as not to trigger our own shame and wounding), the minute we force her to change in order to receive our approval, we are being a puppet of the age-old agenda to syphon and steal power, and we reiterate the cosmic wound. We are part of the problem. Period.

As noted, when a someone shames someone else simply for being, it is really her own judgment and rejection of herself, which she is imposing upon another. If we can catch that and heal that in ourselves before inflicting it on another, we may quite literally be changing the course or even saving someone’s life. If we do the work within ourselves and really have a good hard (loving) look at our own shadows, we suddenly find ourselves able to hold space for another in a way we had no idea we could.

I would say it’s a big deal, a huge responsibility, and high time to rise to it. The energies that are resurfacing right now— in us—are so raw and delicate that they depend on us remembering how to enact this on Earth once more. And if we should fail, the fate of the Earth is also at stake.

With the shadow that’s looming over the entire Earth right now, a veritable sea of unprocessed darkness, it is so essential that we all make the commitment to healing our own.

So do a good deed, and starve a vampire. Commit to holding truly safe space, for yourself, for those you love, and for the Earth that we call home.”

~ Sara Sophia Eisenman

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2016/02/starve-a-vampire-learn-to-hold-safe-space/

LOVE

Love is a dynamic force; she pulls together strings and strains of magical experiences that are unexplainable and unfathomable to our minds, sometimes it is difficult to even fully articulate the experience being lived, only to show you the opposing force of pushing apart these entangled strings, creating space, uncertainty and even a disconnect from the magic she once bestowed upon you. She has a way of coming back, however, full circle, drawing you into her depths and enclosing you within her veil, showering you with tenderness, compassion and, of course, the purity of her love.

Love accepts all, and sees no faults, although she thrives on imperfections, for the most complex and chaotic of students of her ways are the most beautiful. To love, everything holds beauty, everything is beautiful, even in the most appalling and beastly of places, she’s finds the hidden gems and sparkles of true beauty and magic.

Love asks for nothing, for she is already full and complete, but gives nothing short of everything freely and openly to those who are ready to receive her offerings with an open mind and expanding heart.

Love heals wounds of pain and anguish; she can be your greatest medicine if you allow. But she also has a way of slowing seeping into the ever so slightly opened cracks within your inner barricades and unleashing your inner discomforts and unlocking your triggers. Her intention, with this, however, is to only lead them into the flow of her ways, and guide them into her lightness with compassion and grace.

Love will not intentionally cause you hurt and harm, but instead she will trigger you into a space of healing; by the slightest brush of her magic on your skin, or a sample of her taste on your lips, or even an eye catching glimpse of her captivating beauty that cannot be missed. Her aroma has the ability to engulf you into her seduction, offering you a space to melt from within, pouring your innermost self out into the waves of her essence, and trusting she will carry you into the ways of her intent.

True love, she speaks to those who are ready to hear the gentle vibrations of her tone; only when you have created and explored such vibrations from within yourself and from within your own heart are you ready to hear and fully welcome the sweet whispers of her unmatchable frequencies and Divinity. ~

Jordi Klassen
Inner Awakenings
https://www.facebook.com/innerawakeningss/

Being Vulnerable Is Being Powerful

“”Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness” and the like, is becoming a fairly popular catch phrase these days.

I wholeheartedly stand behind that statement and believe it to be entirely true.

However, it’s a whole lot easier said than done.

To actually exercise the depths of our vulnerability, especially with another person, not having any idea how it will be met or received by the other we’re choosing to share it with, truly feels like it requires super human emotional strength sometimes.

Because — living in a society where more often than not, we’re taught in one way or another that it’s safer to harden rather than soften ourselves.

Hardening, shutting down, and closing off becomes not only the norm, it becomes easier for our emotional bodies to do.

So, we hold grudges, stay angry, and resent, resent, resent.

While holding onto those feelings actually consumes more of our energy than choosing to soften into our vulnerability does, the fact that we’ve been so ingrained since childhood that vulnerability equates to a sense of weakness, closing down because more of the automatic response.

“Stop crying.”

“Don’t let them see you’re hurt.”

Vulnerability involves softening into our authentic emotional state, and allowing ourselves to be witnessed there — whether it’s in honestly seeing ourselves in that place, or letting another person in enough to see us there.

Sometimes vulnerability is exposing anger we’ve been withholding but often, behind that anger even, is sadness, grief, or hurt that we’ve been afraid of expressing.

Allowing ourselves to express our sadness, grief, or hurt in the safety of our own space with ourselves or with someone else, never knowing how they might take it is inherently vulnerable.

The reality is that there is a deep seated risk within being vulnerable, especially with another, which is that it might be met with insensitivity, coldness or a closed heart rather than the love we’re seeking from them.

Recently, I was met with insensitivity, coldness, and a closed heart in the face of having shared deep vulnerable emotions and the reality of my feelings with someone.

All I received was a metaphorical closed door and frigid, resentful emotion.

Immediately, I regretted being vulnerable, I regretted opening my heart, and I regretting allowing myself to be seen so intimately by this person.

My ego felt intensely bruised

I felt less than.

A sense of being deeply unseen, unmet and hurt washed over me.

I thought of all the ways I could retaliate to try and feel like I had the upper hand again, to reclaim my power, and essentially to take back my vulnerability.

But then, I realized —

There was no need to try and reclaim my power from this person, just because they didn’t meet me with the reciprocation of vulnerability I was hoping for.

What I had just done, was exercise my power to it’s fullest.

If our vulnerability is indeed our strength, I had just claimed the greatest extend of my personal power — not power over, but simply power engaged — by dropping into my most vulnerable place and sharing that.

Maybe even more-so, because I wasn’t met with the same vulnerability in response and I survived.

While it hurts when we aren’t met with the response to our vulnerability that we might be hoping for, at the end of the day it doesn’t entirely matter how that person responds, receives or reacts to it because it doesn’t take any power away from our act of vulnerability.

Not only that, I think it strengthens us even more because we lick our wounds and have the opportunity to make the choice to keep softening into our vulnerability with ourselves and with others, knowing that we’ve been hurt in that place but we’re choosing to stay open and loving no matter what.

We should never allow one person’s insensitive reaction scare us entirely away from our ability to be vulnerable.

Maybe we give ourselves some time to heal from the wounding, but then we pick ourselves back up and head out into the world again, hearts forward.

Just because one person was unable to reciprocate our vulnerability says absolutely nothing about us.

It says everything about them.

So, I say — keep being vulnerable as hell.

It’s our strength and power, regardless of what others do in the face of it.” ~ Alexandra Schueler

http://alexandraschueler.com/musings/being-vulnerable-is-being-powerful?mc_cid=fac3984e38&mc_eid=a30032d823